The following is an editorial written by Howard Ford Beauregard III. It does not express the views or belief's of The King Falls Gazette or it's staff.
Rumors & speculation have been running rampant in King Falls the past week, as the story of a missing hiker named Lance McCord, splits our mountain community in two.
King Falls, voted Best Small Town in America for the sixth straight year this past January, is a wholesome and lovely town. However there is a small & vocal minority who believes there is evil afoot in our idyllic sanctuary.
For the past six months, King Falls has been under the spell of two immature & irresponsible radio hosts, Samuel Stevens & Benjamin Arnold of King Falls AM infamy. These two, dare I say, knuckleheads have been running roughshod over our wonderful community from 2am to 6am nightly, slandering town leaders, rumor-mongering over false information and, from what my good friend Mayor Grisham has told me, even possibly fabricating stories for their own benefit!
This leads me back to the hiker or adventurer or ... FAKE PERSON, as I like to call him, Lance McCord.
Apparently on October 1st, King Falls AM let their resident radio tallywhackers run a cassette tape to the listening public that they supposedly "found" in a "mail box", whatever that means. Of course, per usual, it has caused an uproar within the town.
There is no evidence of a hiker or missing person named Lance McCord. There is nothing to think this trip to Perdition Wood and the Devil's Doorstep is anything more than a plea from two desperate fiends, hoping for even more public attention. Yet, Stevens & Arnold are allowed to go on-air and cause mischief for the sole purpose of ratings! It should be a crime!
Maybe it is a crime.
Note to self, call Sheriff Gunderson.
And of course, these two buffoons have a following now, here in town. Why? I couldn't begin to even tell you. From what my man, Pete, tells me they even have a small contingent of listeners spreading outside the city limits into the world where they can further disparage the name of our town, myself and others; running us through the mud and causing chaos & calamity every step of the way.
I've been around the block a time or two, children. My shoulders are broad and can easily carry the weight of the trouble these two feeble-minded shock-jocks attempt to bring to myself and my family, however I feel terrible for the lowlies who aren't as strong as I, whose names they deride and attack on a nightly basis, seemingly for ratings and sheer enjoyment.
I believe deeply that these two, and the supporters of King Falls AM, must be stopped.
They must be stopped.
Howard Ford Beauregard III
We here at the King Falls Gazette would love to know if you agree or disagree with Mr. Howard Ford Beauregard III. Drop us a line here at the paper, or feel free to contact Sammy & Ben, weeknights from 2am to 6am on King Falls AM, 660 on the radio dial.
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